At one point, you decided the skills you had with connecting with women weren’t working for you. You needed to up your game, or somewhere along the line you got out of a breakup and you needed to start again.
You saw beautiful women everywhere, and you didn’t know how to talk with them without feeling inadequate and insecure. You were finding yourself over and over getting rejected and feeling low. It happens to a lot of us.
Then you looked for information on the subject, and because we live in an amazing time, you can find information on any subject with a few clicks on Google. You find some websites with half naked women. Shock immediately taps into your reptilian cortex. The site claims it has “the method” or “the system” to teach you how to sleep with her tonight! You sign up for the Bootcamp and your misadventure begins.
They immediately teach you to be everything you’re not, and they teach you the allure of being an “Alpha Monkey,” or acting like an asshole to everyone. Sure they superimposed an identity onto you rather than taking the time to discover who you really are. But if that’s what it takes to get what you want, and it’s your burning desire to get good with women, then you will follow.
At one point, you find yourself using words like manipulation, emotional abuse, “there’s my target; there’s a ‘two set.’ There’s a six and there’s a ten. Her friend’s a fatty and the other’s a hottie.” These things are all labels that are objectifying and dehumanizing. These labels separate you from your greatest power of human connection, which is empathy.
Empathy is the ability to see, look, and feel, through the other’s eyes. But here you just dehumanize them as a way to get what you want. As a way to fill a need, and really a petty need at that.
Now you’re talking to more people so therefore you’re having more success. You are actually getting dates and having more sex maybe, but still you feel a gaping hole inside yourself. Or you just feel like people are nothing more than objects to obtain. It may seem great at first, but at the end of the day, deep down, you feel empty.
Remember, guys, you can always get off that train and start feeling great about yourself. Start empathizing when other people start objectifying. The easy flip is to stop objectifying and start being curious. Make it your priority to discover who you are talking with.
Practice understanding other people. Really listen to other people and care about what other people feel. Develop your powers of empathy and you will live a richer life filled with deep meaningful relationships.