John Keegan on MSN Living-Love/Sex/Dating

Be authentic

As a former actor, dating coach John Keegan knows that being fake doesn’t help you connect with other people. In fact, “it repels them,” he observes. “Acting taught me how to tap into my authentic self. How to connect with myself, and my feelings…and connect with others in a truthful way. In acting the instrument is you. In life your instrument is you. So the more you practice being you and the more you develop yourself as a person, the more attractive you become.” What’s ultimately most attractive is self-knowledge: “Know thyself. When others see your authentic self — what it is and who you are — then they see that you are being comfortable being you.”

Be playful and in the moment

Next time your date asks, “What do you do?” say, “Guess.” That’s what New York City dating coach John Keegan does. “Answering the question outright eight out of 10 times is antithetical to your purpose,” which is to enjoy yourself and the person you’re with. “This is all about having fun, being playful, leaving our mind and our mental patterns and just being present. That’s when attraction is built because we both feel good like children.”

Focus on the conversation, not the outcome

Like many dating coaches, John Keegan says you’ll be more successful if you are outcome-independent. Enjoy the journey and don’t aim for a specific end result. Don’t strike up a conversation “for the purpose of getting a date,” he says. “It doesn’t work….I call it taking-energy. If you walk up to a girl with taking-energy, if you want something from her, she’s going to sense that….The conversation has got to be the end in itself.” Dating is not just about the other person: “Look at dating not as an outcome but as a fun process in which you get to learn about yourself as you learn about other people.”


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