Help Us Help You: Ten Ways to Meet A Great Guy
So many beautiful and interesting women I know can’t meet a great guy because they are closing themselves off to others, very often unconsciously. If you’re one of those ladies wondering “where are all the great guys hiding,” then it’s time to take a look at what you’re doing that is literally scaring them away.
I’m a dating coach for men and women in New York City, and attractive and successful men come to me to learn how to move past their anxieties about approaching women. The truth is almost all men have anxieties about starting a conversation with a woman they are attracted to. Even if they are bold enough to approach, they will walk away at the first perceived sign that a women isn’t interested.
All too many times, I have witnessed a man walk away from a conversation with a woman and have seen the confused look on her face as he did. Most girls are unaware of the signals they send that tell a guy “I’m not interested,” even if they truly are interested.
I’d like to share some things you can do to help us help you to meet a great guy:
1. Open Yourself Up to New Possibilities
You can meet a great guy anywhere. By letting go of the antiquated notions about how and where people fall in love, you open yourself up to new adventures. Don’t only segment your dating opportunities to social circles, parties, bars, or speed dating events. Fun and interesting people are standing next you in line at the supermarket, combing through fodder at bookstores, sitting in the park, walking down the street, or even on the subway (no they are not all creepy guys with twirled moustaches in trench coats). So seize the moment and let the world be your playground.
2. Follow Your Interest …
… But do so outside of your apartment. Go to cafes to read and post on Facebook instead of sitting alone at home. Go to art galleries and other events. Just by putting yourself in situations with new people you open up to new possibilities. Also, place yourself in areas that make it easy to meet others (e.g. don’t face the wall).
3. Be Friendly
Men Don’t “Love Bitches.” Men of value are attracted to women who value themselves, have a positive outlook, and follow their interest and passions. This means making good use of eye contact. Give him the okay. Let him know you are open to him approaching you. A simple glance will do. This also means smiling. Yes, smiling is still in this season. In fact, it is the most attractive quality in the world. I have yet to meet a guy who is looking for a girl who wears dark sun glasses and frowns all day.
4. Take Your Headphones Off
Men will give themselves any excuse not to approach a woman. Give him an extra barrier and it will become an excuse to not start a conversation. When I have demonstrated to men that you can stop and talk to women wearing headphones they looks as if they have witnessed Moses parting the Red Sea—to most men doing something like this feels impossible.
5. Put the Cell Phone Away
We are all addicted to our cell phones and they have become a major barrier, blocking us from the life that is going on around us. A little boredom is good; it leaves room for new and interesting things to happen.
If a guy tries to strike up a conversation with you, even if you’re running errands, don’t be in such a rush to leave. Chances are 3 minutes won’t make a difference in your schedule anyway. Men won’t wait but your chores will. As a rule of thumb, if a guy approaches you, give him 30 seconds to a minute before you decided if he’s got it or not. You might just be surprised!
7. Play Your Part
If you are a woman who has the firm belief that it is the man’s job to initiate a conversation, then play your part and make it easy for him to play his part. Like two actors on stage, the magic only happens if you both play.
8. Initiate the Flirt
You can say just about anything from a compliment to an indirect question like, “Can you recommend a good mystery” (if you were in a bookstore). You will open your possibilities up exponentially. Also, starting a conversation with someone new can be empowering and great fun.
9. Let Go of Preconceived Ideas
Stop worrying about what kind of job he should have, what he should look like, and again the location in which you should meet someone. You will find there any many fun and interesting men all around you. Lose the judgment. Know the things you value most in a guy and give the interaction a chance to find out if he matches.
10. Make it Easy to Meet Again
When a new guy follows up with a phone call or text message, call him or text him back. If he tries to set up a date and you can’t meet at the time he suggests or don’t like the place, take the initiative to suggest another time and place. The man will still be pursuing you but this way you won’t be dragging your feet.
Meeting great guys is as much about developing new habits as it is about letting go of old ones that haven’t been working for you so well. By being more open to the possibilities, being friendly, and putting off a little good energy, you will not only have more dates with quality people, you will be more present, and open to all the possibilities of life.