The Power of Mirroring


This is very simple, and again it’s important not to get carried away and become creepy or manipulative in its use.  Our aim is not to manipulate someone, but to make connections with people to become socially excellent. In mirroring, if you’re sitting across a table from someone, they lean in, you lean in, they lean back, you lean back, they look away, you look away. You’re literally mirroring their behavior to establish trust and put people at ease.  It’s important to combine mirroring with listening, lest you find yourself merely mimicking the other person and not making any connection whatsoever.  Avoid the extremes of leaning into a person in neediness or leaning back in aloofness for an extended length of time.  Just be comfortable in your chair and mindful to speak the same language with your body as they are speaking with theirs.  This alignment allows for a connection to flow.

During the initial interaction, if she steps away from you, take a step back yourself, while continuing to create new conversational threads.  Furthermore, if she says “I have to leave,” train yourself to respond automatically with “I have to leave, too,” or playfully, “I am the one who has to go,” and then create a new conversational thread.  Like a martial arts move, this diffuses tension and, on a deeper level, it’s a great metaphor for all of seduction, even in a relationship. When she pulls away, you pull away.  What  happens so often is that one person pulls back and the other falls in, thus becoming the one in pursuit whose neediness becomes repelling.

John Keegan


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