When you’re about to go talk to a beautiful woman, and that hesitation comes over you, that anxiety, that apprehension that cripples you and starts a war within you, these are like the monkeys from the Wizard Of Oz that come flying into your head telling you, “You shouldn’t do that! That’s bad! That’s creepy!”
I want you to think of those thoughts that come up. Those “do not” thoughts, those, “I am not enough thoughts,” as leaves blowing in the wind. You can’t stop the wind, but you don’t have to pay attention to the leaves blowing around.
Instead of saying, “One day I will banish fear, one day I will eradicate fear, one day I will get rid of those voices.” Instead…accept them.
Accept that they’re there. Accept that they’re a natural thing, and do not resist them. Stop the resistance, because as you resist them, they get worse, and the fear shuts you down even more. So just allow the negative fear based thoughts to be there. Don’t resist them.
But here is the secret: stop paying attention to them.
Stop paying mind to them. Stop giving them your attention. Stop validating them and focus on what matters, the other person, her. Listen to her. Listen to your own breath. Feel the great feelings in your body and listen to her, to what’s she’s saying. Discover her; instead of sitting there thinking, I wonder if my hair looks good. I wonder, is my face too tight? My face feels tight. Aw, I’m boring.
These are the voices that fly up in our heads. You get thoughts like, I’m boring, I’m not engaging her, she’s thinking I’m creepy. These voices are like an octopus floating in the air just to your left, and the moment you stare at it, it wraps its tentacles around your face, sucking the air out of you and pulling you to the floor.
That’s what it’s like when you focus your attention on thoughts. Instead, acknowledge that those thoughts are there, and just pay attention to her. Do everything you can to listen to her. Find out who she is and just be in your body. This is how you conquer those voices, that fear.