For many years I was an actor in NYC. I devoted my life too it. I studied with great teachers, worked on many projects, had the pleasure to work with many talented people and even lived in a dusty room in the back of a hoarders Lair. During those years of grinding it out in NYC and building character through fire I tested my metal in just about every way. I explored the question “who am I” over and over. On a stage, there is no where to hide so I learned to strip away all falseness and tap into my “true persona”. Every rehearsal was like training in human connection. The core of a powerful scene in acting is simply two human beings Listening, Relating, and Responding to each other. When I went to the “street” to overcome my own social fears and limits and develop my “skills of engagement” I used everything I had learned in acting.
Some lessons I share with my clients are these:
Rehearse The Role Of The Connector
Rehearsal, Practice and Repetition are the only way to get good at anything. Most people don’t look at being social and flirting the same way, but they should. When you take on the “I’m just rehearsing” mindset it removes the majority of pressure. You stop feeling like you are in life and death situation. You start having fun exploring and discovering the part and the scene, just like an actor. It’s the timeless scene of boy meets girl and you are rehearsing it over and over. Through every exchange you learn more about yourself, women, and humanity. In order to become the role of the great connecter, you must rehearse each part of the scene over and over until it is second nature.
The Most Important Part Of The Scene Is The Other Person
Often times people try to meet people with memorized scripts or routines or feel they have to demonstrate a series of attractive qualities in their attempt “to get the girl”. When you follow that process you immediately become disconnected from the other person and become a false version of yourself. It’s infinitely more effective and rewarding if you simply know thy self and tune into the other person like your life depended on it. From them you will get everything you need to make a real connection.
There Is Nothing You Can “Do” That Will Ever Be More Beautiful Than Just Simply “Being”
You might be entertaining and even amusing but nothing is and nothing your mind can create or all the minds in the world working together can create will be as powerful as…
just simply being still on your breath and working off the other person. Trust me I know. I am a pretty funny guy and I have invented some fun characters and left some people rolling on the floor. But still, again i will reinforce, that is about 10 percent as powerful as you letting every guard down and letting every idea about who you are go. The real power lies in just being there and really listening to another person. A great Example would be Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting. Robin was a comedic genius but it wasn’t until he stilled himself and stripped away everything but Listening, relating and responding in the moment before him that he really moved us.
Don ‘t Push The Objective And Don’t Play A Story
When you are attracted to a girl of course you want something. What most guys do is fail to listen to the girl and just blurt out “can I have your phone number”. Usually leaving the girl baffled and asking “why”? The antidote is to learn to revel in the process of discovery of another person. LISTEN to her.
Become A Stradivarius Of Your Own Body
In my workshops, like in a good acting class, I teach you to become a master of your own instrument; Your Body. It feels amazing to be standing in front of another human being, with your heart pounding, and use the energy to express yourself fully and to engage her. When she partakes, the two of you might just make some great music together ; ).
I hope this inspires you to explore yourself and humanity on deeper level.